Sunday, May 03, 2009

Who would you choose?

Bear with me on this one.

On my birthday this past week, we imagined having a party for everyone born on April 29, 1970 and their spouses (so my wife could be there). I was worried she'd leave me for Andre Agassi, but with Steffi Graf also invited, we'd be in reasonable shape. And if my wife did hang out with Andre, well, I could get my revenge by hitting on Jennie Garth when wife hosted her 4/3/72 party.

Now, Jennie Garth is certainly a lovely blonde woman. I'd not throw her out of my hypothetical celebrity bed for eating animal crackers. And I was explaining this to my wife when she said "Which of the original 90210 cast members would you most like to marry if you could? And you have to count personality."

Wow. This is a more difficult choice than one might think, and not for the reasons one might imagine.

There's not a great choice.

The best looking of the four major cast members is Shannen Doherty--by a magnitude. Yowza. But she is also out-of-her-gourd nuts. She's SO nuts that I'm not even sure she'd be worth a brief fling, let alone a marriage.

Then we have Tori Spelling. It's sweet that she's writing motherhood advice and all that. But she's a distant last in physical attractiveness and appears to be not at all intelligent. And that sense of entitlement. Ick. I'd claw my eyes out. I might even choose Shannen over her, but it's a bit of a tough call (in the "waterboarding or electodes to the gonads?" sense.

Next comes Gabrielle Carteris. I think she was already in her mid-30s when the series was taped, so she's far too old for me, I believe. Not seeing it.

So we're back to Jennie Garth, who wins this competition. She's got a job now, and was on Dancing with the Stars,, has a regular spokesperson gig...she doesn't seem bat-shit crazy. And while she's had a bit too much work done for my tastes, she'd win out over some weak competition.

Anyone feeling me on this one?


Alison said...

Well, when you say "original 90210 cast members" are you only referring to the women on the original incarnation of the show, or only to the women who were on the show the first few seasons (before Shannen Doherty's bat-shit-ness got her the boot)? If you're allowed to expand to the post-West-Beverly-High days, you start having a LOT more options. Tiffani-Amber Thiessen certainly ranks a few hubbas and seems to be basically sane, and there's also Hillary Swank, Emma Caulfield, and a few others...

TeacherRefPoet said...

For reasons I've never understood, Tiffani-Amber never did it for me I think her face might be a hair too wide. Jennie Garth just noses her out, although Tiffani-Amber could pull ahead on personality. Hillary Swank is a pretty darned awesome chick, but if I were in the episode of -The Office- where they were debating hot or not for her, I'd have been on the "not" side. I've never heard of Emma Caulfield. Early research merits a few hubbas.

But the 4/3/72 thing is too damned karmic. I'm sticking with my girl Jennie.

Just like Joe has a thing for English footballer Dean Windass. And not just because of that marvelous last name. It's a 4/1/69 thang.

Alison said...

1) I have a hard time imagining Joe having a thing for a footballer of any nationality, given his complete disdain for soccer.

2) An April 1 birthday is unlikely to change that, since my birthday is actually *July* 1. :-)

3) The word verification for this comment was "ruinesse," which should totally be a real word.

TeacherRefPoet said...

Wikipedia lists no famous people born on 7/1/69. Pamela Anderson is 7/1/67. Missy Elliot is 7/1/71. But Joe doesn't get anyone on your date. Not even a Windass.

Soccer player Ruud van Nistlerooy is 7/1/76. I saw him score a goal in Seattle for Man U once. Tell Joe. He'll be thrilled.