Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Getting Involved in the Birth Process

I felt the need to attend breastfeeding class last night. I was bottle-fed, so I have no memory of exactly how this works. Several husbands attended, and we practiced the different holds alongside our wives. I held my realistic-looking baby, and stroked his/her head regularly. (The closer we get to the baby, the more I want to be kind to inanimate objects meant to represent them.) In the midst of all this, the instructor told the men that it's good we were practicing, because there's a drug out there that can make us manufacture milk through our own breasts so we can actually breastfeed out own babies!

Not kidding. Check it out.

It's actually kinda cool, but I think I'll pass. I want my boobs to look good in my old age.

But today, we took it to the next step. I was talking about the process and the possibility that "we would need an epidural." Swankette caught my slip-up and said "Honey, I don't think it's a good idea for you to get a epidural."

My response: "Sweetie, to show solidarity, I'd be happy to get an epidural with you."

Which led me to picture that hospital room. At least there'd be no danger of me accidentally wandering to a place where I'd see something I'd rather not see. "I'd be guaranteed you'd be there," Swankette said. "You couldn't wander away and get a snack at an opportune moment."

And my wife and I, de-facto legless together, would hang out in bed, feeling exactly the same way...

There are several positives to this, as I see it. I will start lobbying doctors and insurance companies to cover tandem epidurals in childbirth.

You heard it here first, kids. You'll all have Swankette and me to thank when this is all the rage down the road.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

What a great idea. If we ever have kids I'm pretty sure my hubby will need the epidural to make sure he doesn't wander away from the carnage, er beauty of the birthing process.