Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Schiavo part one...my wishes

Jack Bog has suggested that there's no good analysis of the Schiavo case on blogs. I think my baby has done a good job (twice now), but I figured I'd take JB's statement as a challenge. A two-part challenge.

First of all, I echo my fiancee's wishes.

1. If, God forbid, I am in anything like Terry Schiavo's condition, what my baby says goes.

2. If there are protestors, pelt them with water balloons. In memory of my love of Mexican food, fill every 20th water balloon with guacamole. Don't waste the good homemade stuff...use the crappy store-bought stuff.

3. And if Congress makes another stomach-churningly historic mistake and decides they want to screw with my baby, me, and countless previous court decisions about us, you must find a way into their offices in DC and urinate on the pretty office carpet of any Congressman or Congresswoman who said anything about me beyond "Why is Congress talking about this?"

Everyone who has ever cared about me: please follow these instructions.

Mr. Bog, lawyer man...do I have to go to the trouble of filling out a living will now? Will this be sufficient? And if people piss on the congresspeople's carpets, can they be prosecuted if they are following the provisions of my legal living will?

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